Marina Till, a transsexual, has had numerous medical examinations and treatments, such as a very intense hormonal therapy, at times seriously weakening her organism. For a long time she has been dreaming about a sex change surgery but she can not afford it. She does not accept herself and her body. Suicide attempts and alcohol abuse are means of escape from the body she lives in. A body that does not belong to her. She said, “Once I swallowed a large amount of pills and they simply went right through my body. Sitting on the toilet I could hear them hitting its basin. It was then, I realized, that if it was so hard to kill oneself, then what would it take to change ones gender?”
I spent a few long weeks with Marina. I wondered how she coped with her difficult life-role. Her being suspended between mental existence as a woman and the masculine form of her physical being was for me a very important element of the transformation. I focused on the relation between herself and her body and was able to observe the existing antagonism, a proof of what she has yet to go through. After a sex change surgery she will legally, psychologically and physically become a woman and forget the fact, that once she was a man.